By now, I assume you’ve all heard about the brutal and bloody massacre that took place in Santa Barbara. It’s been all over the news and has sparked a wave of related but disjointed vocal outbursts on social media. I just got done reading the memoir-manifesto titled My Twisted World by Elliot Rodger, which details his life story and all the things that led up to this so-called “Day of Retribution”. I have a few thoughts on this topic and I thought I’d put that out there, but first and foremost, I want to say that it was a gripping account and a unique window into the psyche of a troubled young man. It’s tragic that this had to transpire and my thoughts go out to the families and friends of those who lost their lives.
I can understand why he did it. I can certainly feel the turmoil and anger through his writing.
I don’t approve of violent means, but this was a major cry for help and as far as he knew, he wasn’t good enough for the world and saw himself as a failure in life and in love, gauged by the number of girls he slept with and dated. I must admit, I couldn’t quite follow the logic in his writing or the thought process, but I found it fraught with irony, self-loathing, and above all else – pain and frustrations. Perhaps it was the combination of these feelings and his depressed mood that overrode his logic and sense of morality. The social pressures in his writing are very real and very powerful, but more on that later. I just wanted to voice a few things and highlight a few passages. It is clear that there was something, perhaps something out of balance with his neurochemistry that plagued him. He exhibits many signs of have a narcissistic personality disorder, being bipolar, and being extremely compulsive.
In 137 pages of text, I’ve picked out passages that stuck out most to me and gave me the most amount of insight:
Humanity… All of my suffering on this world has been at the hands of humanity, particularly women…all because the females of the human species were incapable of seeing the value in me.
TAKEAWAY: He speaks about humanity as if it were a plague. He puts most of the blame on women, yet he also realizes that it is not only women, but humanity at large. To him, humanity is flawed and he has been dealt a great injustice. This appears throughout his writing over and over again.
At the age of 4, I, Elliot Rodger, had already been to six different countries. Who can claim that, eh?
TAKEAWAY: He is showing signs of entitlement and has a unhealthy habit of comparing himself to others around him. we see this throughout the rest of his piece as well – he never fails to compare and belittle others, as if it is just. It’s ironic that he felt belittled but had no problem belittling others and carrying out things that would hurt others.
Because of my father’s acquisition of a new girlfriend, my little mind got the impression that my father was a man that women found attractive, as he was able to find a new girlfriend in such a short period of time from divorcing my mother. I subconsciously held him in higher regard because of this.
Takeaway: Does this always apply or is he right in the sense that we’re all subconsciously aware of this fact? Does being attractive as a man make him worthy in the eyes of all around? And yes, this is all written after-the-fact, so maybe it’s his way of explaining away his feelings.
…the tallest boys were automatically respected more. It instilled the first feelings of inferiority in me, and such feelings would only grow more volatile with time.
takeaway: We’ve all been there, but this illustrates the point very well – the fact that size, build, and stature matter and that when you compare yourself as he does so often, you will only find inferiority. More to go with this point about comparing:
When I became aware of this common social structure at my school, I also started to examine myself and compare myself to these “cool kids”.
There’s more on the next page.
The post elliot rodger’s twisted world and worldviews a series of brief remarks appeared first on vincent tang.